dreamweaver....

When I was in 9th grade, "Dreamweaver" was my favorite song.  Not because my friends and I would sit around getting stoned or anything because really we never did.  My dad was the marine and I knew if I got caught doing anything bad (like sitting around with a bunch of stoned friends) I would have been dead. I left that kind of fun having and trouble doing to my sister, (not that she would have done it either--"nudge-nudge, wink-wink"). I loved the song because I loved the thought of being able to dream and make things happen.  That the dreams would protect you and bring you into the next day, or at least those are the words I thought were being sung.  (Don't burst that bubble, k?)

But now, dreams?  Yeah, not so much. My dreams are not my friends. Seriously, my morning dreams send me into wakefulness in a panic. Sweating, hyperventilating, shaking panic. Who can go back to sleep even if there is no work or wedding planning on the days docket? I can usually sedate myself into sleep without early night dreams, but if for some reason I awaken in the night (gee thanks menopause) I go back to fitful dreamy sleep until finally I can get out of bed as a semi-reasonable time.  I am not sure which is worse, not being able to get back to sleep (again thank you menopause) or dreaming scarey dreams until sometime after 5:30.

Saturday morning was one such day. Right before 6:30, because at 6:30 I sat straight upright to go take care of what I was dreaming about, heart racing, skin sweaty, wide awake. The dream? I was dreaming that I forgot to feed my cat.  I also forgot to get the cat box for the cat.  Since the time I moved into my house. Eight plus years ago! I completely bolted straight out of bed to go find my cat and finally feed it. And make sure it had not left a cat mess on the laundry room floor. The crazy thing is, I have not had a cat for more than 9 years. Dear Dreamweaver, my last cat, Spock, passed away about 6 months before I left Salt Lake. 

Another common dream that panics me deep to my soul is having signed up for a chemistry class and forgotten to go until I need to take a test. Seriously? Chemistry? And I have been out of college (for the fourth time) since 2003. And even then, during my last stint in college, I never missed a class or a deadline for a paper or presentation.  In fact the last true "final exam" took was in '98. And truth be told, I never missed a class or failed to prepare for a quiz or test since the first time I graduated. So why now, Dreamweaver?

Of course, I have those ridiculous being chased or murdered dreams too. And although they awaken me, they are less unsettling.  The worst one of all is dreaming that I am pregnant.  Not only is there no way this could happen (thanks again menopause and surgical interventions and ablations) But still that dream leaves me so panicked that there is no way I can even think of sleep for the next sixteen hours!

So Dreamweaver, do me a favor tonight, don't get me through the night.  I think I'd like to do it without the dreams!